Growing a Thicker Skin

We just finished with Reconnect, a two day meeting where all of Peru 7 got together to talk about our frustrations, challenges, and what we've been doing for the past two months. It was so great to see everyone - it felt like a family reunion. It's hard to imagine that we've already been in site for two months because we all just picked up where we left off. The first day was mostly administrative stuff, going over policies and such (after I created a big fiasco about this - apparently we did not follow the correct procedure for asking to participate in camp ALMA and it created quite the controversy). The second day was more exciting because we got to hear presentations from everyone on what they have been doing. We broke up into youth and business because there wasn't enough time to hear them all, but I would have enjoyed listening to what the business volunteers have been up to. We did get to hear a few (because our room wasn't ready yet) and they were so interesting. They get to work with artisans who make really beautiful bags, blankets, pottery, etc. My friend Julia brought some of her artisans products and they were a big hit. I bought a few things and put in an order for more! Maybe it was better I didn't see any more of their presentations or I might have left Chiclayo without any money! The youth presentations were really beneficial for me because I got a lot of great ideas for future work. It was also nice to discuss our frustrations because we were able to learn some great ways to handle unwanted attention and other challenges we face. One guy in my group said it's common knowledge that in his town the guys have sex with donkeys! (Yes you read that correctly.) Gross! Apparently beastiality is common in rural areas all around the world. Brent said the guys reassured him that they only do this with female donkeys because otherwise people would think they were gay!?!?

Before Reconnect we had a leadership camp in Cajamarca for teenage girls from all over the department. There were about 30 girls ranging in age from 15 to 17 (although of course I made the mistake of inviting my girl before I knew for sure how old she was....I was pretty sure she was 14, but turns out she is only 12....oops!). The camp started on a Friday morning and ended on Sunday at noon. We broke the girls up into four teams based on what room they slept in to help build comraderie (no idea how to spell that) among them and separate the girls who came from the same towns. We had everything from self-esteem activities, art projects, an obstacle course and dance contest to a job fair, sex education and nutrition charlas. On Saturday night we also had a big bonfire with s'mores that were of course a huge hit. The girls gathered by regions and did a little song or dance to represent their region so Jessica and I sang a song from Bambamarca with Nayla and Raquel (the two girls we took to the camp). It was really fun and a great cultural exchange because afterwards all of the volunteers sang the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful. Of course all the little girls had crushes on the three male volunteers that helped out with the camp and begged them to sing Titanic.....hillarious! (In case I've never mentioned this before, Peruvians are obsessed with Titanic).

Before we went to bed that night, many of the girls said something about how the camp has had a huge impact on them. They all seemed to have learned a lot and form really nice relationships among one another in the short time they had together. It was a really special opportunity for them because they rarely get the opportunity to travel and meet other girls from their department. One of the girls said she wanted to thank all of us volunteers for dedicating two years of our lives to give to the youth of Peru. She said she has learned so much from Lynda (who lives in her town) and can only imagine the great work the rest of us are doing. She asked us all to continue working hard because we have no idea what an impact we have on the youth in our community. It was such a great reminder of why I'm here and definitely had an impact on all of us. That is definitely one of those "Peace Corps moments" that I'll never forget. Before participating in this camp, I had heard from many volunteers that it is always a highlight of their service, and now I know why.

Jessica, Heidi, and I had to leave early the next morning to make sure our girls got to the bus on time. Nayla (the girl who came with me) called her mom to see if she could stay the night in Cajamarca with her grandmother so she wouldn't have to leave early. It was so cute how close they all became in just three days. Unfortunately, Nayla did not get to stay since she was my responsibility and we had agreed that she would leave on the morning bus, but she thanked me numerous times for taking her and asked when we'd be having the next one! Some of the girls were even crying when they left. I told them that I had participated in several youth leadership camps when I was younger and still keep in touch with my roommate from one I attended when I was only 15 years old. They were very excited about that and it gave them hope that their relationships wouldn't end that day.

I must admit that the camp was really special for me not only because I got to see a huge change in these girls' behavior in just two and a half days, but also because I got to watch other volunteers in action. The camp was mostly run by Peru 5 and 6 volunteers who have been in site for a year now and have participated in previous camps (there is a similar camp for boys in the Spring). Those of us who participated from Peru 7 were there to help in any way we could and observe how these camps run. I learned so much from the other volunteers and was really in awe of their work. It was so fun to see the relationships they've built with the girls in their site and how much these girls look up to them. I also was able to talk with them about projects they've done in site and frustrations or challenges I'm having. It was really nice to be able to talk to them and be reassured that some day I too will have these relationships. The camp definitely left me motivated to return to my site and start working more closely with the youth there, even if it is just with a handful in the beginning.

In the past couple of weeks, I've stopped feeling guilty that I really enjoy my time spent with fellow volunteers and realized how important it is to build those relationships. They are my biggest support network and the only ones who truly understand what I'm going through. It's nice to be able to get together with them and just relax. Even if it's the first time you're meeting them, there is an automatic connection between the two of you that facilitates an immediate friendship. I've also realized that these relationships are just as important as the relationships I'm forming with Peruvians because they will continue much beyond the two years here. As hard as we will all try to keep in touch with our friends and family in Peru, it will be difficult. However, the friendships we form with fellow Americans will hopefully stay with us long after we leave this beautiful country. I'm really grateful for the friendships I've already begun to form and look forward to building upon those in the future.

Enough of those deep thoughts, back to my life. After ALMA we had Counterpart Day in Cajamarca. Rita came down from Bambamarca to participate and I think she found it very beneficial. We talked about the role of a volunteer in site and some of the reasons we decided to come to Peru. It was nice for them to learn the goals of Peace Corps and see where they, as our counterparts, fit into our work here. We also spent some time developing a work plan of some projects we could do together over the next two years. Rita and I came up with a lot of great ideas, but I was starting to feel overwhelmed with everything we had written down. I was exhausted just reading the page and we technically haven't even started yet. Luckily when I talked to my APCD at Reconnect, she expressed concern that she thinks I'm getting involved in too many things too early on. She said that she thinks I'm doing an excellent job integrating into my community and meeting people, but she's worried that I'm going to burn myself out. Although I'm really excited to do a lot of great things for my community, I really took her advice to heart and now realize it's not about quantity, but quality. She said if I only work with 10 kids over the next two years, that's fabulous because it means I really had an impact on 10 kids lives and helped change their lives in a way they never would have otherwise.

Unfortunately the rest of my meeting with my APCD did not go so well, or better said, did not go as planned. The first thing she said to me was that I cannot change host families. As you can all imagine, I was really upset as I was really looking forward to living with the doctor's family. I knew there was a rule that we cannot live with our counterparts so I thought that meant Rita exclusively, but apparently it means anyone from our counterpart agency. Since the Centro de Salud is my counterpart agency, this means I'm not allowed to live with the doctor and his family. As if that wasn't hard enough to hear, she went on to tell me that the two highest staff members in Lima think there is something wrong with me because I want to change houses again. She said it's not only rare to live in three houses, but it's never been done before in the whole two years for any volunteer and here I want to change my house for the third time in three months. She said this request sent up red flags with them that there is something else going on with me and they think I'm having problems integrating into my community so I keep changing houses everytime I run into trouble. Essentially I was told that my host mom is saying these things out of ignorance and I need to use this as an opportunity to teach her about my culture and that her behavior and comments make me feel uncomfortable. They told me I need to "grow a tougher skin" and set personal boundaries for myself not only with her and the family, but also in my work so I do not spread myself too thin and get burnt out.

Of course I started crying because this was not what I was expecting to hear. I was not crying so much about the family, but rather at the fact that I feel like a lot of the staff has this misconception about me because of some isolated situations (the off-site policy problem that happened earlier last week and now this). The off-site policy created such controversy that we were threatened to have 3 vacation days docked because of the mistake we had made. Luckily that did not happen, but still, I was the one at the head of that fiasco and now this situation with my host family. Out of the 35 people in my group, I think I'm one of the ones they should be least worried about and instead, I'm raising red flags for them and they think I'm not doing a good job in my site. Luckily when I did my presentation at Reconnect of what I've been up to in site, all of the high staff members from Lima saw it and afterwards my APCD said it was just what she was looking for. Hopefully that will help improve their image of me. I've realized though that I cannot let this affect me or it'll really have an impact on my work here. I think I'm doing a good job and Rita and the doctor are thrilled with my ideas and what I've done so far so that's really what matters. I'll just have to use this time to prove to them that I really am a dedicated volunteer and not someone they need to worry about.

Although I was very upset from my meeting with my APCD, I've returned to my site much more open minded. I've had time to think about what she said and I hate to admit it, but I think she was right. I knew coming to Peru that I would probably be living with a poor family and meet people who are less educated than I am. I thought I was ready for this and would easily adapt to my life here. However, reality is much different than how we imagine things and after having a little run-ins with my host mom, I completely isolated myself from the family instead of addressing the problems at hand. I think I didn't handle the situation in a very mature way and helped to make things worse by constantly spending time at the doctor's house. Their house is much more like what I'm used to so I probably was running there to avoid facing my problems. I think I was being culturally insensitive and a little selfish and my meeting at Reconnect was definitely a wake-up call for me. I joined the Peace Corps because I wanted to challenge myself and teach others about my culture. Here I have those opportunities staring me in the face and instead of taking advantage of them to teach my family something about me, I chose to run away and seek another house. I'm really trying to make an effort to spend more time with them now and give them another chance. I now realize that they are very shy and have never really been in contact with an extranjera so they don't really know how to act around me. I think if I'm more open with them and continue to make an effort, things will inevitably improve (at least that is what I'm hoping). Last night my host mom asked me if I could vote in the elections that are being held here this Sunday and instead of getting annoyed with her, I explained that I'm not a citizen and therefore not allowed to vote here. Poco a poco we'll get there.

So back to my trip.....leaving Chiclayo was sad because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Hana. It was so much fun to see her and definitely a tease, but at least I'll see her again soon for Thanksgiving. We left at night and arrived in Cajamarca at 5 am. We're quickly approaching the end of the school year here in Peru so the kids who are graduating usually go on school field trips for the weekend to a big city or touristy area. Of course when we arrived we had to go to 2 different hostals before we found one because they were all full of high schoolers. Luckily we found a room at this new place that is really cheap. We should have known that hostals are cheap for only one reason. When we arrived, we found our beds made, but they must have forgot to finish cleaning the room because there was a razor on the sink and men's underwear hanging in the shower! After we got past that and were about to go back to bed at 6:30 am, we found a dirty toe nail on the night stand! GROSS! Needless to say, we did not stay there again the next day.

I think I've mentioned before how we absolutely love this one cafe in Cajamarca because they have the best hot chocolate in the world. They also have pretty good desserts which are nearly impossible to find in Peru so of course we love it. Well we have developed quite the reputation there and the waiters love us. As soon as we walk in their eyes light up and before we can sit down they ask if we want hot chocolate. If that was the only thing we were known for, it wouldn't be a big deal, but there have been a few other incidents. First of all, my friend Heidi is known for her willingness to stand up to Peruvians and say something if they call her gringa, stare at her, try to imitate her English, heckle her, or do anything else that might annoy her. She makes me laugh so much about it and Lindsay has been dying to see her "in action". One night we were at Cascanuez and these people next to us kept staring at us everytime we opened our mouths. They were very distracting because their stares were anything but subtle. They would crane their necks to turn around and watch us and Lindsay and I couldn't concentrate on our conversation with Heidi (her back was to them so she couldn't see). We told her it kept happening so she decided to turn around and ask them if any of them wanted to join our table because they seem very interested in our conversation. They were all very embarassed and said they don't speak English, but Heidi said it didn't matter because we speak Spanish too. Meanwhile, Lindsay and I are cracking up watching this whole thing unfold (especially since all of the customers and waiters in the restaurant were watching too). Unfortunately, right before Heidi said something I had taken a sip of my water and was choking on it because I couldn't stop laughing. It was really funny and quite a spectacle. No one ended up taking Heidi up on her offer, but there were no hard feelings and they all said bye when they left.

A couple of days after that, we were in there again and created another scene. Lindsay had been telling us how she once had this delicious chocolate peanut butter cake there. We look for it everytime we come in and they never had it. Well the night we were leaving for Chiclayo, they had it and we were ecstatic! However when we asked to buy some they said no because they wouldn't cut it. They wanted to sell it whole. I was very upset and started begging. First they told me someone had ordered it and if she didn't come in 30 minutes, they would cut it. I don't know if they thought I would forget, but of course I didn't and after 30 minutes they still said no. Meanwhile, I had called Heidi who was on her way to tell her to ask for it as soon as she came in (so it didn't look like I set her up to it - she really wanted it too). They told her they would cut it in the morning. I told them we were traveling at 11 pm that night and wouldn't be there to return in the morning. That didn't work so we told them it was Heidi's birthday and she had been dying to try that cake. Still nothing. Then we asked to speak with their manager, but she wouldn't be there until the morning. At this point we were ready to buy the whole damn cake so we asked how much it cost. We were thinking around 50 soles. We thought it would be a stretch, but were willing to do it. When he said 75 soles I almost fell out of my chair. We thought that was too much and decided to call our friends to see if they would go in on it with us - no luck there though. Lindsay and I went to the front and practically drooled as we looked at it in the glass case and tried to calculate how much it would cost a slice if we tried to sell it to our friends. They kept asking if we wanted to buy it, but we were very hesitant since it was so expensive. After about 15 minutes of comtemplating this, the waiter came over to us and told us he called his boss and she gave him permission to cut the cake! I was so excited I started clapping! They thought we were hillarious and were so excited that we were so happy. When they brought us the cake, we sang Happy Birthday to Heidi as not to deceive the waitstaff. Hahahaha. It was delicious by the way.

So now I'm back at site and definitely feeling really unmotivated in my site. It's just hard after spending so much time with other volunteers and knowing that we're leaving again soon for Thanksgiving. It was such a tease seeing everyone and I can't wait to go eat some great food with them on the beach for the holiday. Local elections are also being held this Sunday and the people here are CRAZY about them. They get so involved (like us for a presidential election) so it's nearly impossible to get anything done because people are very preoccupied with this. Luckily I guess my feelings are pretty normal because I've talked to about 6 other volunteers and we're all in the same boat right now. I was able to finally coordinate with Rita today about doing something for World AIDS Day on December 1st so we'll do the final organizing for that when I return.

Since I can't get much done, I've been trying to read up on my materials from training that I never read to start preparing for my youth group. I've also been hanging out at the doctor's house and with Jessica. I made BBQ Chicken Pizza the other night for the doctor's family and it was a HUGE hit even though they told me it was really weird looking and were suspicious when I said I know how to make pizza. Haha. It was really fun and they said it looked like it came straight from Pizza Hut! Haha.

Jessica and I have had a great time hanging out together other than the fact that we're definitely going to fall through the roof one night because my bed is going to break any day now. We also have fleas. ¡Que bueno! I'll take fleas over rats though...

Miss you all. Sorry this was so long (as usual), but I hadn't written in so long. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving! You can be thinking of me at the beach with all of my friends! I can't wait. I'm sure I'll have good stories so look for a blog after the holidays.