Mama Said There Would Be Days Like This....

Before I begin, there is the cutest little couple next to me. I'm guessing it's a husband and wife talking to their son/daughter living in the States. (I actually have no idea who they are talking to or where the person lives, but it makes me happy to believe this.) They are talking on an instant messaging program and using the webcam. The father has his little half glasses on and is using the hunt and peck method to type while his wife is sitting behind him dictating what to type. After they send a message they both look at the screen with anticipation, waiting for the response on the other end. The wife was crying a little bit, but she seems to be crying tears of joy. I think they are seeing their grandchildren on the webcam because they keep talking about how big they look and how cute they are. They are so cute and making me smile! I want to tell them I feel their pain of being so far away from their loved ones, but I don't want to take this moment away from them. They seem so happy right now. I can just imagine my parents doing the same thing when we talk. (Mom and Dad, if you buy a webcam, we can see each other when we talk on Skype).

And now for a little bit about my own life. This past week has been a rough one. Last weekend Jessica went to Cajamarca and I decided to stay here. It had been 3 weeks since the last time we were in Cajamarca and I was sort of feeling like I was ready for a break, but thought I could stick it out two more weeks when we'll go in for a going away party for the Peru 4 volunteers who have finished their two years. Lots of people told us during training that the first 3 months in site are really important and you should try to spend as much time there as possible getting to know everyone and establishing a routine and life for yourself. So trying to follow along with that advice, I thought I should stay in site and not give into the temptation to go to the city with Jess and eat delicious food. Well what a mistake that was. After I got home from the birthday party on Friday night, I started to feel like I was getting a cold. Turns out I definitely was and because of that, I only slept about one or two hours that night (of course Rita told me it's because I drank cold beer the night before. Even though I told her I always drink cold beer at home, she said, yeah but the clima isn't the same.....you're right it's not, it's COLDER there....hahaha they crack me up with how obsessed they are about the cold). On Saturday morning I went to use the internet and had to pass by the canchitas with all the drunks and listen to them all making cat calls at me. Gross! Between not having enough sleep, being disgusted with the negative attention from men, and needing a break from my site, I had an emotional breakdown on Saturday. Giff was traveling all weekend and I couldn't get a hold of mom and dad so I went back to my room and just cried and cried. I don't know how long I cried for, but I was so upset and just wanted to go home. As hard as it is sometimes, in all honesty I don't want to leave because I know this is the opportunity of a lifetime and I would completely regret it if I left, but that doesn't mean that I don't get really homesick, that some days feel like they'll never end, or that sometimes I really don't like it here. Sometimes I don't want to take a freezing cold shower or accept cat calls as "cultural differences". But that's why I came - to challenge myself - and that's what I'm getting. Sometimes Peace Corps seems a lot cooler on paper. On the tough days I think to myself, is this really what I asked for?

Luckily I had made plans to make cookies in the afternoon with Rita and Melany so that helped brighten my mood. You all know how much I love to bake and I hadn't baked anything since I left Lima so it was long overdue. Mom had sent me the ingredients for cranberry oatmeal white chocolate chip cookies so I had Melany help me make them. We had a lot of fun and the cookies surprisingly turned out delicious! I was a little skeptical because the ovens here are so weird, but Rita's oven actually has a temperature dial so we were living in luxury. The cookies were a HUGE hit and everyone who tried them kept saying they tasted like they were made comercially because they were so good! That afternoon I got to talk to mom and dad too so I was really happy and feeling much better.

Since I don't like Sundays here - for all the people in town, the crazy market, and all the commotion at my house - I decided to just go to the doctor's house and hang out with them. I went over at 11:30 am and didn't leave until 10:30 pm! I ate lunch and dinner with them, taught the kids how to play Go Fish and War, watched TV, and talked to Chabu and Patti (the doctor's cousin) for a long time. I had so much fun with them and felt more comfortable than I have on any other Sunday because being with them really feels like I'm with a family and I forget about the problems I have in my house and the uneasiness I feel with my family. On a side note, they love to talk about my appearance in that house. Dr. Martin always calls me Miss Massachusetts and Chabu always talks about how she loves my body. Their daughter is soooo skinny and has little chiken legs so they always point to me and say "now those are some legs". Patti also kept telling me how pretty I am and that she has a daugther my age, but she's not nearly as pretty as I am! It's flattering, but sometimes a bit uncomfortable and awkward. They have no fear in saying whatever they think about your body though so I'm grateful they say positive things about me (Jessica was told today by one of her relatives that she must really like the food here because she's getting fat)! Whoa. I would be devastated if they said that to me.

I thought I was feeling better after making cookies, spending the day with the doctor's family, and watching Friends (finally!) for 2.5 hours on Monday! However, I noticed I was getting really annoyed with little things here and not feeling myself. On Tuesday morning I was washing my ropa interior and just started crying out of the blue. I tried calling mom on the internet but couldn't get a hold of her. I was feeling desparate so I went to a Locutorio (place to make phone calls) and paid 1 sol to talk to her for a minute (I can get an hour for this at the internet) and asked her to call me. When she called I just broke down and started crying. I felt like I would never stop crying and wondered if that is what it feels like to be depressed. I was so upset and thought I'd never make it through the day, let alone two more years here! Thank goodness for moms though - she helped calm me down and realize that a big part of my problem is my living situation. I'm feeling really uncomfortable with my family and it's making me more and more upset everyday. Just when I think I'm making progress with them, something else happens. The other day my host mom invited me into her room to "talk" with her. After a little sweet talking, turns out she only invited me in there so she could use my cell phone. Later that night she came to my room and asked where I had been (I was at the internet for 2 hours) because they were searching for me all over town. They needed to use my cell phone again! This time, she gave the guy my number so he could call me back the next day to relay a message to them. After that she wanted to talk to me about how much I would pay for rent and mentioned twice that my room used to be hers and she gave it up for me. I know, and I'm sorry, but why did you even offer it to me then? Ahhhhh!

Talking to my mom felt so good. I've lived away from my parents for 5 years now, but I always miss them so much more when I'm living in another country. It's when we're further away and we can't be together that we miss people more (same with Giff). I needed my parents more than anything the other day so I was so grateful that my mom was available to talk. She calmed me down a lot and convinced me of two things. One was that I needed to talk to Rita right away about changing my housing situation and two was that I needed a HUG! The next day I talked to Rita and told her I've been really homesick lately and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm really not happy in my house. She talked to the doctor for me and he said he and his family would LOVE for me to live there and I could move in as soon as the next day! Turns out there actually is some stuff to be done in the extra room they have, but they said in the meantime I could spend the night whenever I want to in an extra bed they have. Rita also said I can sleep over whenever I want until my room is ready. It's really sweet that they are so concerned about me. I actually don't mind sleeping at my house, I'm totally comfortable in my room, but it's nice that they are so worried about me and trying so hard to help me find a better solution. The doctor's family goes to the coast (where they're from) for two months in January and February (which some people say is the summer and others say is the winter - don't ask me why the seasons are so confusing to people). Rita told me the other day that they want to take me with them for the whole time because I'm part of their family now - so cute. I also talked to my "aunt" the other day on the phone. Chabu's sister called and said she wanted to talk to her niece and hear my voice so I talked to her for a minute. She told me she couldn't wait to meet me and they were waiting for me in Ferranyafe (their town)!

And as for the hug, Jessica happened to call me on Tuesday to see how I was doing (she had had a bad morning too). I told her I wasn't doing well at all and she invited me to come up and spend the night with her. It turned out to be EXACTLY what I needed. She gave me a hug as soon as I got there (just what the doctor ordered) and let me vent about everything. We talked a lot about our frustrations and how challenging life is here sometimes. It was so nice to be able to spend the afternoon with her and realize I'm not alone. We also had some Bailey's so that always helps! It was fun staying with her too because her life is sooo different from mine - no electricity or running water. I felt like I was camping, but it was really cozy in her room with all the candles lit at night! After getting back to Bambamarca the next day, I felt totally rejuvenated. I was so grateful for my time with her. A lot of volunteers don't have another volunteer so close by so I'm really lucky to have her when I need some companionship and a break from my town. We had so much fun together that I ended up going back up there yesterday. I ate lunch with her family and then we went on a short hike up to this lake where we laid down and talked for a good hour. In the afternoon we made a cake with her two host siblings. They don't have an oven and cook over leña (firewood) so we made it in a homemade oven (that they taught us in training). The cake was pretty good, but tasted a little like firewood to me. Oh well, it was really fun anyway - definitely a Peace Corps experience. We were joking when we went to bed that it's kind of nice to know that the only worries we have before going to bed are of animals entering her room and not crazy people (or drunks like near my house). As we were going to bed at 11 pm, the roosters started crowing for us. I guess their schedule is a little off, but it was comforting. What is not so comforting is laying in bed, about to fall asleep, and having to go to the bathroom. Walking to the outhouse in the pitch black isn't so appealing, even when you do have a headlamp to guide the way. Por eso, Jessica has a little basin that she keeps in her room to pee in during the night. It might sound gross to you, but trust me, at 2 am, it's much more convenient that going all the way out to the latrine.

Speaking of that, Jessica and I always joke how so many of our beliefs/habits have gone down the drain here (out of necessity not choice). For instance, who would ever have guessed that we'd be bathing in FREEZING cold water or taking bucket baths? However, the bathing is nothing compared to the sanitation. For one thing, we have to wash all of our dishes in cold water because there isn't any hot water and it would take way too long to boil water in order to wash our dishes. Rita was saying the other day that she never used a bottle with Melany because they can cause diarrhea from the bacteria that collects in them. I told her lots of people use them in the States, but that's because so many people have dish washers that use really hot water to sterilize them and if they don't have a dish washer, they can at least wash them in hot water. She and Melany couldn't even imagine a machine that washes dishes! At least at my house though, we have running water, but at Jessica's, we have to use water that it just sitting in this reserve. I asked her where the water comes from and she said it comes through this tube in the ground from a tank or something, but they're having lots of problems with the water right now (something to do with someone buying the land and not distributing the water) and sometimes they don't have water. When I was there on Tuesday, the water we were using to wash our dishes was from the recent rain we had had! Yummy! I know it's gross, but what can you do?

Well the couple who was talking to their kids has now left so I guess I better too. I'm sure there is more to say, but I should stop now. I'm going to Cajamarca on Friday and I can't wait! Good food and care packages await me!