Back in Peru

Well I’ve now almost been back in the country for 2 weeks, but let me tell you, it seems way longer than that. For the first week I was back here, I cried everyday and wondered why the heck I came back when I was so happy being with Giff. However, I know this is the right thing for me right now so I just kept trying to tell myself that things will get better (although it was hard to believe) and eventually they have. It has now been 6 whole days since I last cried, which I feel is quite an accomplishment given my state of mind when I first got back.

I’m going to back track a little bit to give you a glimpse into the nightmare I experienced getting back to site. I didn’t arrive in Lima until almost midnight on Jan. 1st (technically the 2nd), but was happily greeted by Kathleen (training director for Peace Corps) and her husband Leo. It was nice to see familiar faces after the emotional goodbye with Giff. I’m sure I would have had an emotional breakdown upon stepping foot into Peru if I had been alone. Once we got to their house, I quickly called Giff to let him know I had made it safely and finally went to bed around 2 am. It felt like the longest day of my life.

The next morning I had a nice breakfast with Kathleen and Leo. Leo is Peruvian and knows a lot about his country’s history so it was interesting to talk with him. After breakfast I went to buy some pirated DVDs (from what I hear, it’s a long rainy season) and then hung out around the house while they ran errands. That was the first time I was alone since I got back and I realized pretty quickly that I was not ready for that yet and started crying. Luckily I wasn’t alone too long and of all the people in Peru, Kathleen is probably one of the best people to be around if you’re feeling down. She is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and has a very gentle spirit. She was very understanding of my sadness and reminded me that I’m here in Peru for a reason and for the rest of my life I’ll be able to look back at this experience as a very rewarding one.
Kathleen and Leo took me out to lunch at this very good Chinese restaurant before we left for the airport. My flight left at 3 pm so they said they’d get me to the airport by 2. I was getting a little nervous when it was 1:30 and we still hadn’t left the restaurant (especially since we had to stop by their house first to get my bags). Well you can probably guess what happened, we didn’t get to the airport until 2:40 pm and they wouldn’t let me on the plane! I MISSED MY FLIGHT! I couldn’t believe it. Of course that was the last flight of the day to Cajamarca so they told me to come back the next morning at 4 am to get on the first flight out. The flight was full so I had to get there so early to put my name on the standby list! Oh boy.

As you can imagine, Kathleen and Leo felt horrible, but as Kathleen says, maybe it was for the better because I probably needed a little more time before going back to my site. They treated me to ice cream and then we watched The Pursuit of Happyness (I had told them about it at breakfast and we found it when shopping for DVDs in the morning). For dinner we went to his really nice grocery store (where you feel like you’re in the States because it’s so nice) and bought good bread, cream cheese, and olives (dinner is really light here). I briefly talked to my parents and Giff that day to tell them what happened. I thought what happened to me was bad until I talked to my parents. The nightmare they were experiencing trying to fly from North Carolina to California was way worse! I guess what made mine seem so bad was the feeling that I didn’t want to be in Peru – I just wanted to get back on the plane and go back home to Giff.
We got up at 3 the next morning to get to the airport on time. By the time the ticket window opened and I put my time on the list it was about 4:30. I had to wait until 5:15 until they told me I would be able to fly. Of course I had to pay excess baggage fees for all of the crap I carted back with me. This airline also makes you weigh yourself with your carry-on luggage and they told me I weighed too much so I had to check my carry-on as well! Between my luggage and taxes, I had to pay $42! I was so annoyed since that is over 100 soles (10% of my monthly stipend), but I didn’t have time to argue as my flight left in 25 minutes and I couldn’t afford to miss another one. When I got on the plane, the tears began to flow again as everything started to sink in even more. I was praying there was a mistake and this plane would somehow end up in Del Rio, TX, but instead everything went as scheduled and I arrived in Cajamarca at 7:30 am.
My friend Amanda was in town so I crashed in her hotel room. She was coming back from a trip as well, so we decided to spend the day in the city together and go back to our sites the next day. To be honest, being in Cajamarca felt much better than Lima because I know the city and I feel comfortable there. In Lima, it was too much like the States and it just made me want to go home. We had a nice breakfast together, I tried to nap (impossible with thin walls and people yelling at the hostal), we ran errands, and had bread, wine, cheese, and olives for dinner as we watched Little Miss Sunshine on my computer.

Upon arriving at the bus station the next morning to finally go back to Bambamarca, I found out there were no tickets left. Great! Luckily there is another bus station right next door that is a little grungier, but I had to go. To no one’s surprise, I cried three times on the way home, but tried to hold it together as best I could since I was not ready to have an emotional breakdown among all of these Peruvians on the bus. When I finally got to Bambamarca, Jessica was waiting for me at my house and I couldn’t have been happier. That was exactly what I needed. My host mom wasn’t home since she works during the week, but Karina was so happy to see me that she almost started crying (because she was worried I wouldn’t come back)! It was so sweet and really made me feel welcome.

Jessica had discovered a gym in town that offers exercise classes Monday – Friday at 5 pm so we tried to go to that, but no one was to be found at the gym (welcome back to Peru). Jessica asked if I wanted her to spend the night or if I just wanted to be alone after all of the traveling and I told her I’d cry if she left so she stayed. We had a lot of fun unpacking my stuff, catching up, eating mac & cheese for dinner, and watching FRIENDS. However, when she left the next morning and I was really alone for the first time since I got here (all of the other times I was alone were brief), I let it all out and cried for 45 minutes. It was so hard to think about being back here for another year and a half after I had just had the best 10 days with Giff. I hurt inside because I missed him so much already. I felt like I’d never stop crying and never be happy here again. But luckily I have great friends here who know how hard it is to be away from home and are very supportive of me. My mom and Giff were also incredibly supportive. Giff said he was depressed too, but that I just have to think about all of the positives about being in Peru and know that we can do this and can talk to each other everyday and before we know it, we’ll be seeing each other again.

Mom suggested I try to keep myself really busy to keep my mind off of it and help me get back into the swing of things, and I tried, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about Giff. I was having such a hard time. For the first week I was back, I woke up every morning thinking, I don’t want to be here and would start crying. I tried to do what Giff said, and think about the positives, and I came up with a lot, but I still felt like they didn’t add up to the one thing that was missing – Giff. This is so hard, but as much as I want to go home, I know I can’t because I’ll be so disappointed in myself and will always regret it.

Jessica and I spent a lot of time together in my first few days back in site. I don’t know what I would do if she weren’t here. I would probably consider going home even more. I really needed that American company and she knew it. We were able to go to an exercise class (Tae Bo) the next two days and had a blast. The classes are as good as any that we’ve been to at home so that was a big pick me up for both of us. Working out is definitely a release for me and it felt so good to have a great workout (plus Jessica has a crush on our teacher – we call him Jim since he works as the gym, but his name is really Wilson – creative, I know). Haha. We joke that maybe Jessica will marry him even though he is married with kids. Another bonus from the class is that we made two friends, Yanet who is 24 and Rosita who is 21. They came over on Saturday and hung out with us for about an hour and a half. It was so much fun and Jessica and I were both excited to have some Peruvian friends! Unfortunately they both go to college in another city and are only here for vacation, but we’ll take advantage while we can.

When Jessica isn’t around, I try to keep myself busy by hanging out with Rita or my family. I gave Rita and her family their Christmas presents and they loved them so that was fun for me. I also told Rita that I’m really sad and having a hard time being back so I’ll need a lot of support. She is so great and understanding that she has been calling me to check on me and invite me places so I’m not alone. I’m also getting along SO much better with my host mom. She was so happy to see me and told me they missed me a lot. Rita told me that my host mom said she was sorry we don’t get to talk more, but it’s hard since she is gone during the week and the weekends are always so busy. Since I’ve been back though, it seems like we’ve been talking a lot more and I feel a lot more comfortable around her. Her dad (who comes on Sundays to sell his cheese) even told me they missed me so much over Christmas and tried calling my cell phone twice! It really made me feel good since I had such a rocky start with this family. Now I wouldn’t move even if I was given the choice. That is a huge accomplishment in my opinion. I think one of the reasons things are so much better now is that they feel like they can trust me. They were all really worried I wouldn’t come back and now that I have, it’s almost like I’ve proved to them that I’m trustworthy and I stick to my word.

As time goes on, I know things will get easier, but for now, it’s still really hard. I realized the other day part of the reason why this time leaving Giff seems harder than the first time. When I left him last time, I came to Peru and had 10 weeks of training where I was constantly surrounded by 35 Americans who could understand what I was going through. Plus, one of them was Hana and I could talk to her about Giff and our life at home and it seemed easier. But this time I don’t have that and I feel really alone. As I said earlier though, I’m really lucky to have Jessica here, but it still is so hard. I don’t want to wish my time here away because I’m sure I’ll look back on it and really miss it, but it’s hard not to wish for it to go by quickly when I know that finishing my service means that Giff and I can be together again. C’est la vie.

Oh yeah, by the way, as a nice reminder that I’m back in Peru, yesterday morning I walked into the kitchen to make my breakfast and I open the door on my host mom and dad each holding a dead cuy (guinea pig) and plucking it’s fur out. Next they dropped it in boiling water and I assumed that was it. As if that wasn’t bad enough, later in the afternoon I was washing my clothes and looked up to see four cuys hanging out to dry (guts exposed) on the clothesline! EWWWWWWW! Oh lord I can’t handle this. I don’t care if they’re going to eat them, but I certainly do not want to SEE the whole process. I have pictures so stay tuned on Snapfish…..I know you’re dying to see them…..